Marks you left behind
by Andra-ggfan
Summary: The sequel to Leaving marks.Rory and Jess try to deal with life after their night together but how will they manage?Will they be able to hide the marks that were left both on their bodies and in their souls?Literati and complete.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The first chapter of the sequel to "Leaving marks" is here. I've worked on this chapter for a long time so I hope you like it and it doesn't disappoint you. It will probably be a while before I post the next chapter because I have another story to write and my muse seems to hate me lately so bare with me. My BETA is away at the moment so I didn't run it past it before adding this so I apologize in advance for all my mistakes. She's also moving away at the end of the month so if anyone wants to be my new BETA it will be greatly appreciated. This being said a bit about the story: it takes place not long after Lane's baby shower. Any other details will be explained later on (including how Rory and Jess got together). Reviews are always appreciated and welcomed and make me squeal with joy. Criticism as well. Tell me what sucks and what you like. God, this is a very long note. I'm shutting up now and letting you read.**

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If this had been a movie it would have rained outside and the radio would have played one sappy song after another. The streets would have been deserted and the only light would have been that of her headlights. But this was real life and the sun was rising, people were driving to work, the radio played only cheerful morning music and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. And as she continues to drive through the streets of Philadelphia she wished real life would have been more like the movies because movies have happy endings. 

She arrives at her apartment after what seem like decades but in fact are merely hours. She has to get him out of her mind, out of her skin, just out. So she undresses quickly and steps in the shower, leaving her clothes scattered all over the bathroom floor. And as the water starts to pour all over her body she knows it won't be that easy because nothing is ever easy when it comes to him. She knows that soon her bruises will start to fade. She knows that soon the bite-mark on her right shoulder will start to heal. She knows that others can't see the biggest wound that he left but that doesn't mean that it isn't there and she knows that it won't heal. Not soon. Not ever. But she is used to it by now because this is not the first wound that he left behind. It will someday be just another scar on her heart to add to the collection, like the markings that warriors used to have on their knives to show the number of people that they had killed. Her collection just shows how many times he killed her.

She gets out of the shower and throws her clothes in the hamper, keeping only his t-shirt in her hands. It will be put away in the back of the closet, hidden behind her collection of Yale sweatshirts. It will sit there, folded away nicely until one night will come, one of the nights when she misses him so badly that she feels like she can't breathe because of the knot in her chest when it will be picked up and she will put it on and read the old and tattered copy of_"Howl"_. She hates those nights, she hates that he still has the power to take her breath away without even being near her, she hates that she has to explain to Logan why she hides in the bathroom for hours and she hates that she still cries because he left and because she didn't go with him and because of all the other stupid reasons that took away their chance for a middle and an ending. She cries because she can't hate him.

She moves to her room quickly, silently thanking the gods for the fact that neither Paris nor Doyle are at home and that Logan is still in Vegas because she can't deal with anyone right now. She opens her laptop and throws herself in her work, completing paper after paper until the night comes and she realizes that it's 11.30 and that she hadn't had any coffee all day and that her phone is still switched off but doesn't bother to turn it on, knowing that the only messages waiting for her will be those of her mother because Logan is too drunk or otherwise preoccupied with some slut he picked up to remember to call her.

She walks out of her room and into the small kitchen area and starts the coffee maker while she examines the mark on her shoulder and traces it with her long fingers wishing, for a fraction of a second, that he was next to her to kiss and make it better. She remembers the look in his eyes and the way he smiled in his sleep, the way he touched her and how his lips felt all over her skin, the happiness that overwhelmed her when she woke up next to him and the agony of knowing that she had to leave. She remembers it all and slowly she breaks down and starts crying on the kitchen floor, her muffled sobs accompanied only by the sounds of car horns that come from outside her window.

The next morning Paris' voice and her hands shaking her shoulder wake her up and she mumbles something about being sorry and just sitting down for a moment while she waited for the coffee and she hides in her room before Paris gets a chance to see just how swollen and red her eyes are. It's another day that she knows she will spend in bed because she doesn't want to face the world just yet…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2 is done. I am not very pleased with the ending but I can't work on it any more or my head will explode. Thank you for the reviews. I just hope you like this story.**

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He wakes up that morning and looks the side of the bed that she had slept in only to find it empty. He knew this would happen, he knew that she wouldn't stay. He keeps telling himself that because he doesn't want to admit the fact that he wished that she had stayed and he could have made her coffee and they could have had breakfast together and maybe they could have worked up a way to start over. But she hadn't stayed and he tells himself that it's better this way because everything with them is so fucked up and twisted that they could never work it up. So he glances at the alarm clock on his nightstand and lights up a cigarette and silently curses because it's her fault that he started smoking again and it's her fault that he is messed up again and it's her fault that he feels seventeen and filled with hate again.

He gets out of the shower thankful for the fact that it's his day off and that Kate is working and won't come by all weekend because her marks are still on his back. He looks around for his Clash shirt but doesn't find anything but the pieces of what used to be her t-shirt, the same t-shirt that he had ripped away from her body and images of last night come rushing into his brain, images of her screaming his name and of her pale skin against his own but he throws them in the back of his mind like he throws her shirt in the garbage and puts on a gray shirt and lights up another cigarette.

He walks around the room thinking of a way to spend his day. He picks up a book but quickly puts it back in the stack on the floor because reading reminds him of her, and that's the last thing he needs. He curses her again because she might have just ruined Hemingway for him again. She might have just ruined his life again.

He sits down at his desk and smiles at the irony of the fact that the only thing that he can do to get his mind of her is work. He opens the latest attempt of a novel that he has to edit and picks up his red pen that makes him feel like a schoolteacher and looks down at the pages in his hands. But the pages aren't the ones that he expected to find, the pages that tell a twisted story that he somehow has to make readable but the ones of his own novel, our at least attempt at one. And he looks down at them and thinks that if the first one didn't remind her of anything she had read this one might remind her of something she had lived. It was cliché, the story of a teenage romance gone wrong but it was a story that he had to write. Closure, healing whatever you might like to call it. But seeing it on paper hadn't closed anything, hadn't healed anything. It had opened even more wounds then he knew he had and it had made him regret his decision to leave. And the question that had haunted him for the past years springs back in his head: could they have made it? He throws the pages in one of the drawers of the desk and lights yet another cigarette knowing it was to late to change the past or to hope for a future.

He ransacks his desk until he finds the manuscript that he was looking for and picks it up. He tries to understand the words he sees in front of him but they all feel foreign and the letters seem scrambled and his hands are gripping harderuntil there are only pieces of plastic left of his pen and he throws them on the floor and punches the desk, in search of a different kind of pain. But it's not working, at least not in the way that he wishes it worked. So he throws these pages away as well and grabs his jacket from one of the chair and goes out. He walks around for hours, until his feet start to hurt so he enters the first bar he sees and sits down at a table and gets a beer.

Many hours and beers later he gets out of the bar and gets in a cab and goes home, where he lies in his bed and tries to ignore her scent that still lingers on his sheets and he tries to remember the last time he got this drunk but the room is spinning and the bed is spinning with it so he closes his eyes trying to keep them in place and he falls asleep.

He wakes up the next day and walks to the medicine cabinet and takes two aspirins, in the hopes of killing the headache and goes back to bed and reads, ignoring the thoughts that attack him and promising himself that he'll never allow her to ruin anything in his life again.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Chapter 3 and there's finally dialogue in it.My thanks go as always to the people that reviewed and to Cat for the BETA.**

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"_You have 8 new messages."_

The next day she wakes up and decides that she isn't going to wallow anymore. So she gets out of bed, takes a shower, gets dressed and opens her cell only to be greeted by the woman's voice telling her that she had missed exactly 8 calls in the last two and a half days.

"_First message: 'Hey, Rory! It's your lovely mother calling. Just wanted to make sure you got to your dorm safe. Call me back ok?' End of message."_

"_Second message: 'Kid, where are you? I guess you went to sleep and forgot to turn on your phone. Call in the morning.' End of message"_

"_Third message: 'Ok, it's past noon and you still haven't called. Did Logan come back sooner then anticipated and you worked things out? If so I don't want to know the details.' End of message."_

"_Fourth message: 'Saturday night and I'm still waiting. I'm starting to get worried here. Call as soon as you get this!' End of message."_

"_Fifth message: 'I am officially in freak-out mode. No one has heard anything and I lost Paris' number. I just…hope you're all right.' End of message."_

"_Sixth message: 'If you wanted to give mommy a heart attack you've officially succeeded. Please, please call!' End of message."_

"_Seventh message: 'It's now Sunday night and there have been more then 48 hours since I last heard from you. If I don't get a call I'm coming over there tomorrow morning.' End of message."_

"_Eight message: 'Monday morning and still no sign. I'm getting in the car as we speak. I'll be at your apartment in 40 minutes.' End of messages."_

She dials her mother's number but before it even starts to ring she hears a loud knock at the door. She opens it and finds Lorelai standing on the other side, looking like she hadn't slept in 48 hours, which was probably the case. She tries to speak but her mother is hugging her before she gets a chance to.

"You're alive!"

"Sort off."

"Why haven't you called?"

"I didn't get your messages until this morning. I had a rough weekend."

"School rough or another fight with Logan rough?"

"Neither. Let's get some coffee and I'll fill you in."

"Ok."

She gets out of the apartment followed by Lorelai and locks all four locks on the door before heading out to the nearest coffee shop. She lets her mother find a table and goes to the bar where she orders two coffees then goes and sits across from her mother, placing the cups in front of them.

"So, kid, what happened?"

"I…I need to you to promise not to get mad."

"Why would I get mad?"

"I did something stupid…really stupid."

"Rory, you're 22. You're allowed to do stupid things. Let's see what happened and we'll figure out a way to fix, ok?"

"I cheated on Logan."

"Oh…"

"With Jess."

She looks at her mother who sits silently, surprise plastered all over her face.

"Why?"

"Why Jess or why I cheated?"

"Both. Let's start with why you cheated on him…We'll get to the other part later."

"Things haven't been going so great between me and Logan. I'm pretty sure he's been cheating on me for a while now, ever since he moved back to New York at least and Friday, after the party I called him and there was this girl with him, I heard her giggling over the phone. I got mad and things just…happened."

"Hon, if you think he's cheating you should dump him, not jump in bed with another guy. Never good ever comes of cheating back, trust me."

"I know…I wasn't thinking straight that night…"

"And Jess was there?"

"No…I went to him."

"You went to him? In Philadelphia?"

"Yes."

"That I don't understand. If you wanted to get back at Logan why not just pick a random guy from a bar? Not that that would be better…But why Jess?"

"I don't know…"

"Can we play a game?"

"Rock-paper-scissors?"

"I was thinking more like 20 questions."

"Ok."

"Do you love Logan?"

"I don't know." _"Liar!"_

"Do you love Jess?"

"I don't think so." _"Liar!"_

"If you could be with either one of them who would you choose?"

"I don't know that either." _"Liar, liar, liar!"_

"If Logan was out of the picture would you want to be with Jess?"

"I can't be with Jess…He has a girlfriend which makes this thing I did even worse and he lives far away and so much stuff happened between us that I don't think we could find a way to make things work."

"Excellent response. Too bad it has nothing to do with the question. If there were no Logan, would you go after Jess and try to make things work with him? Despite all those reasons that you just pointed out, do you want him?"

She remains quiet and looks down at her cup. The coffee has gone cold and she hasn't even touched it. She knows the answer, she knows the answers to all her mother's questions…but admitting it is a different thing. Admitting it means that she has to fix things, not just live in this lie that she has grown accustomed to. Lies are easier.

"Rory…"

"Yes! Yes, I want to be with him. Yes, I love him and not Logan, and yes, I would choose him in a heartbeat over Logan. But I can't do that, I can't mess up his life even more. He's doing well and I might have already screwed up everything for him and just because my life is broken doesn't mean that his has to be too. I can't do that to him, mom…" Maybe the truth was easier all along.

"Rory, he should know. Now I'm not telling you to jump in a car and go tell him but don't keep doing this to yourself and Logan. You'll just be more miserable then you already are."

"Why should I tell him? I can't be with him, for all the reasons that I already stated. If he slept with me it doesn't mean that he loves me too!"

"This is Jess we're talking about. The kid has had a thing for you ever since you met. He might not have the best way of showing it but he feels something. If his life had been so perfect he wouldn't have risked destroying it just because you wanted to get back at Logan."

"You're taking his side? I thought you hated him."

"I am not taking his side. I'm always on your side, remember that. But I'm just saying that you might be overrating his life. I haven't seen him in years but I'm pretty sure that if he knew how you felt he'd be willing to give it a try. I know a thing or two about men and I'm sure that a guy that loves his girlfriend doesn't cheat on her just because he pities his ex. If he didn't want things to happen he would have said no. That doesn't mean I like him or want you with him but I want you to be happy and you're currently anything but that."

"And what should I do? Knock on his door and tell him I love him? I can't do that."

"It's your decision. Can I just point out one more thing?"

"Sure."

"You've been in three relationships in your life. Even before this latest event, you've cheated on two of the guys, both times with Jess, and the third one, the only one that you didn't even think of cheating on, was him You don't have to make any decisions now, just think about it. If you still love him you'll never be happy with someone else. And as for Logan I think you should break up with him, regardless of what you decide to do with Jess. He doesn't deserve you, kid, not if he treats you like this. Take a few days and think about it. Now I'll go to the bar and get us some more coffee and we'll just talk about something else for a while before I have to get back to work, ok?"

"Okay. Mom…Thanks."

"That's what I'm here for."

She watches her mother as she walks away and stands in line and thinks about her words. She remembers the moment when she saw it in his eyes…had it all been just in her head or was her mother right? But for now, decisions could wait. She had had enough drama in the past few days. _Beep-beep-beep. _She picks up her phone and flips it open to find a message waiting for her: _"Hey, Ace, I'm back. Meet me at my place later?"_ Maybe not…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews and a special thanks to Cat for the BETA.**

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He wakes up and curses at the fact that it's Monday and he has to get out of his room and go to work and as he heads for the shower Bob Geldof starts singing in his head, making him wish for a way to shoot the whole day down. But until the day when time machines are invented comes he has to get out and be at least bearable to the whole human race, even though he feels like breaking the neck of every person that even looks at him.

The day slowly passes as he tries to control himself and the evening comes and he retreats back to the safety of his room with a pack of cigarettes and his tattered copy of _"A Farewell to Arms" _trying to ignore the thoughts that still haunt his mind. He opens the book and reads the all too familiar words hoping that that would chase her ghost away at least for a while because he's sure that at this rate he will be in a mental institution within a month. As he sinks himself in the pages the door slowly open and he looks up, ready to kick out the person that had disturbed him but he sees Kate looking at him with a smile on her face and feels even more miserable because she didn't deserve what he had done to her. He puts the book away and gives her a fake smile, waiting for her to get near him.

"Hey!" She gives him a small kiss before sitting on the bed and looking at him with her big green eyes.

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"You sure about that? Because Matt told me you've been barking at people all day. Is anything wrong?"

"Nope…just having a bad day, that's all." Great, now he's lying to her.

"Really sure? Because you can tell me if something's wrong…It's part of my role as your girlfriend to listen to you and try to stop you from killing innocent passers by."

"Really sure. Now can we drop this, please?"

"If you say so…How was your weekend?"

"Fine."

"Wow…you're even less talkative today then usual."

"I already told you I'm having a bad day so sorry if I'm not up for a round of chit-chat."

"Okay then…I'm going to go…I thought dropping by might be a nice surprise but I guess I was wrong so give me a call when you're feeling not so crabby anymore." She gets up and starts walking towards the door but he gets up as well and stops her.

"No, Kate, wait…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"I'm sure you didn't. You never do…You can't keep doing this to me, Jess!" He sees a sad smile appear on her face.

"Doing what?"

"You push me away and then you say you're sorry and think it makes it all better. Relationships don't work like this."

"Can we not get into this now?"

"And when can we? You're always busy or crabby or simply not in the mood to talk about anything! I need you to talk to me for this to have any chance of working out! I don't have a magic Jess 8-ball that tells me what you're thinking or feeling. I'm not expecting heart-to-heart conversations daily but it would be nice if you let me in once in a while."

"Kate…"

"Kate what? Don't tell me I'm overreacting, or that I don't have a point because I do and it's hurting me. You are hurting me! If you don't want me in your life anymore just say so and I'll be gone."

"It's not that, Kate…I just can't deal with any of this today."

"Well, tough! I need you to deal with this before I go on with this relationship because I can't let you treat me like this. Maybe I shouldn't have let this drag on for as long as it did without telling you this."

"You're right…you don't deserve any of this crap but this is just the way I am."

"Oh, please! If a "you're too good for me" speech comes next I swear I'll be out of that door in five seconds or less. I know that you don't love me; I know that you'll never love me but I thought I could at least make you slightly happy. After all, didn't Oscar Wilde say once that a man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her?"

"And you'd be happy just by making me happy? How is that fair to you?"

"It's not fair but that's the way things go, or at least the way they do in my life. I love you, and that's my fault, but I can't help it, not anymore. Remember in "_Closer_" when Alice told Dan that there is always a moment? I saw that moment and I knew that I had a choice and maybe it was stupid of me to fall in love with you but I did and I hoped to God that I could make you happy but I can't because what Wilde forgot to say is that if that man is in love with someone else no other woman in the world can make him happy."

"I don't love someone else."

"Yes, you do. I've tried to ignore it for so long but I can't, not anymore. Sometimes, at night I wake up and watch you sit in that chair by the window smoking, and you have this weird look in your eyes and I know you're thinking about her. But I let it go until today because you always came back to bed and to me but something has changed. I don't know what or how but something is different about you today and I'm betting it has something to do with her."

"You know, for someone complaining that you have no idea what's going on in my head you do seem pretty sure that you're right about this."

"That's because I am sure about this. I knew about her even before we started dating but I didn't care because all I ever wanted out of this was to see you happy. That's the way I've always been. I try to make other people happy, the people I love and care about because that makes me happy but with you…I can't do that. You're miserable and I can't change that no matter how hard I try so I tried to pretend that I didn't know the reason. Apparently I also like lying to myself. But those are my mistakes, not yours. I wanted to forget about her so badly so I kept lying and pretending but it's not working, for either one of us. So now tell me the truth, or at least tell yourself the truth because, and I have to quote "Closer" again, without it we're animals."

"I am sorry about all this. I'm sorry I never knew how you felt and I am sorry I don't love you. I wish I could."

"I wish you could as well. But don't feel sorry for me. There's nothing I hate more. I've been here before and I'll get past this as well. Now let's get piss drunk and you can tell me all about her."

"You really are an amazing woman, you know that, Kate?"

"Well, I try."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A huge thanks to those who reviewed and to Cat for the BETA.**

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After her mother leaves she goes back to her apartment, grabbing her book bag before heading to class. The hours crawl by as her mother's words keep ringing in her head, confidence building up inside of her. As she walks to his apartment, she can think of only one thing: whatever else happens she has to make things right.

She arrives at the door and slides in her key, opening the door slowly, her confidence fading as she does so. Maybe she should have taken more time, maybe she should have thought more about this, maybe she should have made one of her pro/con lists. But the door is open and he sees her and walks towards her, wrapping his arms around her waist wordlessly and kissing her.

He slides his hands underneath her shirt and starts trailing kisses down her neck. He whispers an "I missed you" before continuing his assaults but her mind is going on and on about the fact that it's not Jess the one who is touching her, and that Logan is erasing him from her skin and it feels wrong. She feels the irony of the fact that only two days earlier she had struggled to get the memory of him out of her and now she is fighting to keep it but her voice goes off in her head _"No! No! No!"_

"No!" She pushes him and steps away from him, folding her arms against her chest. He looks at her, confusion written all over his face and tries to get near her again but she just steps back again.

"What's the matter, Ace?"

"I…can't do this."

"Yes you can. We've done it before, successfully I might add."

"I can't anymore. Not just sex…everything. This relationship isn't working."

"What do you mean?"

"Exactly what I said. It's not working anymore and I am tired of pretending that it is."

"Yes it is! You can't just decide that it's not working and expect me to say 'okay' and go away. I love you."

"And what an amazing way of showing that you have." By now she has regained her certainty. She has to end this, and she wants to end it. She is finally sick of lying and being lied to. She feels the anger bubbling up inside her as she decides to let him know exactly how she's feeling…

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, don't play stupid, Logan! It doesn't suit you. You know very well what I'm talking about! You're acting like a jerk, you don't tell me anything, and you're cheating. If that's your idea of showing me just how much you love me then you are even more screwed up then I thought you were!"

"I am not cheating on you! I know I've had some bad days lately because of work but I would never cheat on you."

"You have before. And don't start giving me the crap about thinking we were broken up. I let that go once but not again."

"What are you talking about?"

"You really think I'm a moron, don't you? You think I can't smell the perfumes of the other women on you or that if you go in the other room I suddenly go deaf and can't hear your conversations? The walls aren't that thick and you should really learn to close the door behind you! Or maybe you'll just ask daddy to get you a bigger apartment so that you can hide far away when one of them calls."

"So if I'm such a jerk and treat you so badly why did you stick around for so long? Or did you wait until you found a new boyfriend before you dumped me?"

"Don't you even try turning this on me or making me feel guilty! I'm tired of this, of you and your lies! I'm tired of playing little miss society and being your perfect girlfriend while you can get drunk in Vegas!"

"So that's what this is all about? Vegas? Missing what's her name's baby shower? I needed to blow some steam off!"

"It has nothing to do with that! That was just the final straw! Oh, and by the way, I really appreciate the fact that after two years you can't even remember my best friend's name! I was mistaken, you really do love me!"

"I have a lot on my mind, so sorry if I can't remember some random detail!"

"It's not some random detail! She's been my best friend since kindergarten but don't worry, I'm sure remembering your latest bimbo's name is hard enough so I can see why you can't be bothered with minor things like this!"

"For the last time, I am not cheating on you! I don't know who told you that but it's just a lie!"

"No one told me anything, Logan! I heard her when I talked to you on Friday! Do you at least remember that I called you or were you way too drunk?"

"She wasn't with me, she was Finn's girl!"

"Then why was she calling you back to bed? Stop lying! This isn't even about her, or any of the others! It's about you and the way you're acting! Lately, in the very rare moments when you're not drunk you only seem to sit around complaining about just how hard your life is!"

"You don't get it! Your mother never made you do something you didn't want to do!"

"Oh well, that's too damn bad! What's stopping you from acting like a grown-up and letting go of daddy's trousers? You have a Yale degree and a very impressive last name. I'm pretty sure it would take you about five minutes to find another job so stop acting like a baby! You're 25, not 5!"

"It's not that easy!"

"Yes, it is! But I don't care anymore, I'm not going to push you or make you do things you don't want to do anymore! You are free to do whatever you want, get drunk, party and fuck whomever you want because I am out of your life and this time is for good! And don't even try calling me, or coming after me or any of your usual tricks because I swear to God I'll make you regret it!"

She gets out and slams the door behind her. As the elevator doors close in front of her she is happy and free, for the first time in what seems like forever and she asks herself out loud why she hadn't done this before now. She passes the doorman and smiles at him and he looks strangely at her because it's been so long since anybody had seen her smiling, really smiling, not just one of those polite little twists of the mouth that she had learned to display so well, like a porcelain doll on a shelf.

She gets back to her apartment and she could swear that she had flown there if she didn't know it was humanly impossible to fly. She pulls out her phone and quickly texts her mother letting her know that Logan is finally history and then she pulls out a pen and one of her notebooks. The tip of the pen touches the paper and two little words appear written in blue ink on the white pages _"Dear Jess." _The pen seems to come to life and words are pouring and all the things she had ever wanted to tell him, all the things she had needed him to know for so long appear written in front of her eyes as if by magic. She signs her name at the end of what, three…four pages, and looks at them again. She grabs an envelope out of her desk drawer and neatly folds the papers before hiding them inside and sealing the two parts together and writing his address on the back. She looks at her watch and decides it's too late to go find a mailbox so she places the envelope on top of her books and goes to sleep.

Tuesday morning she wakes up and gets ready for school when she sees the letter and incertitude sweeps all over her again so she tosses it in a drawer. She can't allow herself to ruin things for him again.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I knwo this chapter was supposed to be about Jess but it isn't, it's about someone else.Thank you for the reviews and a big thanks to Cat for the BETA.**

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The next morning she wakes up surprisingly fresh and glances over at the male figure sleeping next to her in the bed, thankfully fully clothed. She watches him sleep, trying to figure out a solution. A way to make him happy. She pushes a strand of hair out of his face and gently kisses his temple then gets out of bed, careful not to wake him. She walks to the small kitchen and pours herself a cup of coffee, telling Matt that he won't be coming to work today and to leave him alone, then moves back to the bedroom. Picking up her purse from his desk she finds the pack of cigarettes and lights one, taking deep breaths, letting the smoke fill her lungs. She reaches for the ashtray and sees his phone and an idea forms itself in her brain. Maybe it's a desperate plan…but he is too stubborn and scared to ever listen to her so she picks up the phone and copies the number on to a piece of paper then puts it back in it's previous place. She grabs a couple of aspirins and a glass of water from the bathroom and places them on the nightstand next to the alarm clock, because he was way more drunk than she was, leaves him a note telling him she went home and that he doesn't have to go to work today and slips out of the room and the apartment, trying to figure out the last details of her plan while she walks to her own home. She gets there and closes the door behind her, sitting on the couch. She stares at her phone for a couple of minutes before finally gathering up the courage and dialing the number. _One ring…Two rings…Three rings…_

"_Hello!"_

"Hello! Is this Rory Gilmore?"

"_Yes. Who is this?"_

"I…need to talk to you. About someone."

"_If this about Logan I don't care anymore."_

"It's not Logan. It's…Jess."

"Oh…" 

"Can we meet today? It's not the kind of thing I'd like to discuss over the phone."

"_Umm…sure. When and where?"_

"At two in front of the main gate at Yale. Is that ok?"

"_Yes."_

"Good. See you then."

"_Goodbye."_

"Bye."

She lights another cigarette and heads for the closet, trying to figure out an outfit. After all, what do you wear when you go meet your ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend?

* * *

Hours later, she finds herself waiting in front of the big gate, trying to figure out just what was she thinking when she decided to do this. She didn't even know how Rory looked, how was she supposed to recognize her? She glances at her watch, seeing that it was almost time and looks around her, hoping to see someone that resembled his vary vague description of her. Her eyes fall on a girl with a cup of coffee in hand that was looking around her nervously. Deciding that she could at least try, after having driven for so long, she walks towards the girl and hesitantly pats her shoulder.

"Rory?"

The girl turns around and looks at her with huge blue eyes.

"Yes."

"Hi…I'm Kate. I'm the one that called you."

"Oh, hi…"

"Is there someplace we could go and talk? This is already awkward enough without having to stand here, looking like morons."

"Sure…I live a few block from here, we could go back to my place."

"Lead the way."

They walk back to the apartment in silence, both haunted by their own thoughts. They arrive there a couple of minutes later and suddenly the silence becomes weird and they look at each other, hoping that the other one will say something first. She notes to herself that this went on much better in her mind and that she has to say something, because she is the one that started this and it was for a reason.

"So…could we sit down?" Good, that's a start.

"Oh, sorry, I should have thought of that. Let me just clear this up a bit." The other girl starts picking up things from the couch and takes them to the other room, while she still stands in front of the door. "Sit down, can I get you something? Water, coffee, a soda?"

_"Tequila or any other form of strong alcohol would be great right now!"_ "Coffee sounds good." 

As the girl starts the coffee machine she examines her. She is pretty, no doubt about it, with her long brown hair, slim figure, big blue eyes. It strikes her that he didn't mention anything last night about the way she looked except for her eyes and she certainly understands why he loved them so much. But her voice pulls her out of her thoughts and she focuses again on the thing she came here to do.

"Sugar?"

"No, thanks." She continues to watch her as she hands her a cup and sits down on the other end of the couch, as far away from her as she can.

"You said on the phone that you wanted to talk to me…about Jess."

"That's right. I'm…a friend of his. God, this is hard." She lets out a humorless chuckle before continuing. "I'm going to skip straight to the point because I am not good at chit-chat and I'm betting you're curious to know what I wanted to tell you. I have a question for you. Do you love Jess?"

She watches the stunned expression that appears on Rory's face.

"I…uh…"

"I just want a simple answer. Yes or no. Because if you don't I want you to stop popping up in his life. He doesn't deserve being treated this way. But if you do…"

"I…yes."

"Good…that's good. Then why don't you do something about it?"

"It's complicated…between me and him. And he is seeing someone else."

"He was seeing someone else. Past tense. And spare of all that other crap. I know the story and, trust me; he said the exact same thing when I asked him that question. It's only complicated because you two make it that way. It's not like you have warring families or some other thing that is stopping you, apart from fear and all your damn excuses."

"But what if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Do you honestly think I'd be here telling you all of this if he didn't? He loves you and you love him and that is the end, or hopefully the beginning, of this story. Now we both know him and he is way to stubborn to do anything because he doesn't want to hurt you again so it's up to you to find a way to solve this mess that you've gotten yourselves into. Go see him, call him, write him a nice letter, for all I care, just do something before you are both 90 and thinking of the one that got away!"

"I don't think he ever wants to see me again…"

"Oh my God, you're just as stubborn as he is! Do I have to spell it out for you? He wants you and you want him and there is nothing stopping you from getting what you both want so find a way to make it happen! I don't care how or what, just do something!"

"I…wrote him a letter…"

"Perfect! Give it to me and I'll give it to him when I get back to Philly today. It's easier then by mail and this way I make sure you don't back down!"

"Are you sure about this?"

"Very, extremely, immensely sure! Now go get that letter!"

She watches her as she gets up and ransacks through the desk drawers until she finds an envelope, pulling it out, then coming back to the room and handing it to her. She grabs it and puts it in her purse.

"It doesn't have a sad, 'never contact me again' ending, does it?"

"No."

"Good. I have to go now. I have to work tonight and it's a long drive back."

"Ok…"

She gets up and walks to the door followed by Rory and opens it, stepping outside. She looks behind her one more time.

"Rory…make him happy, ok?"

"I'll try."

She waves and starts walking away, but the voice stops her.

"Why did you do this?"

"Because I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried."

She gets out the building and walks quickly to her car, trying to overcome the tears that are building behind her eyes.

* * *

She arrives in Philadelphia and goes back to his place, ignoring Matt's greetings as she goes up to his room. She finds him there like she had found him the night before, sitting in the chair by the window, reading. He gets up to greet her but she just pulls the letter out of her purse and hands it to him. He looks at her confused and she smiles weakly.

"It's from Rory."

"Huh? How?"

"Doesn't matter. Open it, read it, get over your fears and go after her."

"I…don't know what to say."

"Nothing. Just don't forget to send me an invitation to the wedding, ok?" She kisses his cheek then backs up towards the door.

"Thank you, Kate…for everything."

"No problem…just…don't waste this chance."

She walks out of the room and goes to work, putting on a brave face as the hours pass until she gets to go home as well and break to pieces.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:This is the final chapter of this story sniff,sniff.I hope you like it.Thank you for the reviews and to Cat for the BETA.**

* * *

He looks at the envelope in his hands hesitantly, wondering if he should even open it. He sits back in the chair and twists around a few times, before ripping the end and pulling out the pages. He takes one last breath before looking at them.

_Dear Jess,_

_Maybe writing you a letter isn't the best way to do this but it's the only way I can think of. I have to tell you some things and I don't have the courage to come to your door and tell them directly to you. And even if I came, you probably wouldn't want to listen to me, or I'd loose my nerve and I would never get a chance to get this off my chest. Maybe I should have found a more original way but I'm not good at sending smoke signals so this will have to do. I once wrote a letter explaining to Dean why I had a cast and what had happened to my car, I wrote a letter to Olivia explaining why I had lied to her about knowing Marty and I know that that doesn't make sense to you because you don't know who either Marty or Olivia are but my point is that this is the only way I know to try to make things right._

_Ever since you left for California everything in my life has been broken. It's not your fault and please don't think that I'm blaming you because I am not, but everything is so messed up and if I had to pinpoint the moment when it all started, that would be it. Before you left I was so happy, so…complete. I am not going to lie and say that there weren't bad moments, because we both know there were. But after each one of them you'd find a way to make me happy again. When you called me on my graduation day I told you I wouldn't pine for you and I really wanted to move on with my life but I couldn't. It took me months until I actually went on a date with a guy and over a year until I kissed someone else. How is that for not pining? In that same phone call I told you that I thought I might have loved you. That was a lie. I didn't think that, I knew it. I loved you so much, you have no idea. That was why I stood by while you treated me like dirt and why I wanted you to be my first. Never knew that, right? I, Rory Gilmore, the town princess, wanted to lose my virginity to you. And it would have happened if things hadn't started going downhill. But they did and you left and I was left behind and God, I missed you so much. Still do. _

_When you came back and told me you loved me I was ready to let you back in my life. But you left again before I had a chance to say anything. I swear that as I stood there watching you drive off I wanted to jump in your car and go away with you. It could have been our own version of people riding together into the sunset, like they do in movies. But you left and I stayed behind once again, watching you leave._

_Then you came back again and asked me to go away with you. But by that time I had lost all hope that we could ever work as a couple. You were always so unpredictable and I loved and hated that at the same time in you. How could I have trusted you enough to leave everything behind and move away to a strange city with you? How could I have known that you weren't going to abandon me once more? But if there is one thing that you should never doubt is that I wanted to go away with you, I wanted that more then I've wanted anything else in my life and that watching you walk away, and knowing that I was to blame for that look in your eyes almost killed me. I have wondered what would have happened if I would have agreed. What would have been if I had followed my heart instead of my head and we would have been together? I have no doubt that I would have been so happy but I said no and that's my mistake and I have to live with it. After that…well…I made another mistake. Perhaps what is the biggest mistake of my life. I slept with Dean. Dean, who was married. Dean, who I didn't love, who I had never loved, not in the way I was supposed to, not in the way that I loved you. But he made me feel safe and I wanted so badly to erase every memory of you that I thought going back to him would help. It didn't, it just made things worse because it should have been you, not him. I wonder if now, after you know this, you will ever be able to look at me the same way you did. _

_The next year was less eventful. The relationship between Dean and me didn't work out. We didn't fit in together anymore…I don't know if we ever did but in Stars Hollow everything was easier. Do you remember that sleigh ride at the Bracebridge Dinner? It seems like a lifetime ago…but we were happy that night. You told me that he didn't seem like my type and you were right but I wanted you to be wrong because if I admitted to you, and myself that you were right, I would have also had to admit that you and I were good together, and that we fit, and you were my type. But back to the story. He and I were never meant to be together so we broke up and I haven't seen him since. After him came Logan. I'm not telling you any of this to hurt you, please keep that in mind. I've never wanted to hurt you…These are just things you need to know, things I want you to know. So if you have gotten this far with reading don't stop now._

_You know parts of the story between Logan and me. I liked him. I thought I could get to love him. I was wrong. Again I ask you not to stop reading because I think I know what's going on in your mind right now, it's that night when I told you I loved him. Was I right? You know by now just how bad my life had gotten by the time I turned 21. I had dropped out of college, I wasn't speaking to my mom, and I was dividing my time between parties, community service and the DAR. And all this because some guy told me I didn't have what it takes to be a journalist. But then you came like a knight in shining armor and saved me. I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did that night. If it hadn't been for you God knows what I would be doing now. You came and showed me your book and I was so proud of you, and still am. And then you made me face the reality of my life and just how messed up it had gotten and you gave me the strength I needed to make almost everything right again. So, thank you. These words don't even begin to describe my gratitude._

_And now I get to night I came to see you at Truncheon. I am sorry for that. I shouldn't have come but I missed you so I did and, well, we both know how that turned out. I am sorry that I hurt you because you never deserved that. Not the way I treated you then. You kissed me and I knew right then that I didn't love Logan but I wasn't ready to admit it. I still had this perfect picture in my head that I could some day get to love him the way I loved you. And I was so scared to tell you the truth that I lied. I was scared of what you might say, of hearing you say that the kiss didn't mean anything to you and even more of hearing you say that it had meant something. Because if you had I don't know what would have happened. Another "What if?" So I told you I loved Logan and you were amazing. I know I hurt you because I could always read you, but still you tried to make me feel better. Thank you for that as well. And I really am sorry._

_After that things got better in my life for a while. Logan moved away to London and it was all right. But he moved back and what everyone thought was the perfect relationship was killing me. He cheated on me, countless times, but I still stood by him. I look back and wonder when did I become this person, this girl that just lets her boyfriend cheat on her because she is too indifferent to actually try and change something. After a failed business adventure he went back to wasting his life on parties and one night he left for Vegas. I called him and when he answered I heard a girl with him and something just snapped inside of me. I got in my car and drove all the way to Philadelphia to see you. I know I didn't tell you that that night, I remember telling you that I was in the area. Another lie for which I am sorry. You let me in and we talked and then…well that's another thing that we both know how it turned out. But I'm not sorry for that because it was right. For the first time in years I didn't feel like I was missing a part of me. How fucked up is that the only thing that feels right in my life is cheating on my boyfriend? Actually ex-boyfriend. Because finally everything is fixed. At least everything that I can fix on my own._

_I wonder if any of the things I just wrote make any sense to you, if they make any sense at all. I should just destroy this and write another one, but I know that by the time the little pieces of paper would hit the floor I would lose all my courage. And I still have one more thing I need to tell you, one thing I need you to know:_

_I love you. Maybe I should have started with that, maybe I should have just sent you a piece of paper with only these three words written on it. I love you. After all this time and all these mistakes I love you. _

_Now I don't expect anything from you. I know you have someone and I am sorry if that night or this letter caused any problems between you two. You deserve to be happy more then anyone else in the world, because underneath that James Dean exterior you are the most amazing man I have ever met and if she makes you happy then you can burn this or throw it away or do whatever you might like with it. But if she doesn't…I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you ever decide that you want me back in your life I will be here. I don't know if you've ever seen "She done him wrong" (appropriate title to describe this, us, don't you think?) but there is a scene in which Mae West says, "Why don't you come up sometime 'n see me?" If you think you can forgive all my mistakes and give us another chance come over some time and see me. Or call me. Or write me a letter. I'll start learning how to decipher smoke signals in case you decide to send me one. _

_Love,_

_Rory_

He looks at the pages in his hands, not sure what to believe. He starts reading them again but by the time he gets halfway through the realization of what she had said, what she had wrote hits him and he picks up the envelope and the letter and rushes downstairs and to his car and drives off.

She tries to distract herself with homework, movies and phone calls to her mother while the hours pass and her nervousness increases. She shouldn't have given her that letter, he will hate her even more, it doesn't matter, he doesn't care either way.

_Drive…just drive…faster, and faster and faster._

After Paris gets tired of her incessant pacing and sends her to her room she tries to focus on some of the schoolwork that she had left but her mind refuses to focus on anything other then the letter so she gets in her bed and stares at the ceiling.

_How can she blame just herself? After all I'm the one that left in the first place…I screwed up first._

She gets out of bed and resumes her pacing, her feet almost marking trails in the floor. What does she expect? He won't care, it's been too long, she wasted her chance…

_Damned car, damned traffic laws, damned everything…_

The pounding on the door wakes her up and a quick glance at the clock on the wall tells her it's way past midnight.

His fist is starting to hurt when he finally hears someone moving on the other side of the door.

_"Who's there?"_

"I need to see Rory."

_"Well, come back in the morning, jackass!"_

"Open this door because I'm not leaving!"

_"Get out before I call the cops!"_

"_Paris, who's at the door?"_

"_Some guy who obviously never heard that it's not normal to visit people in the middle of the night!"_

"Rory, open the door."

"_Jess?" _The bolts are opened one by one and the door in finally opened, revealing a tired looking Rory on the other side and an angry Paris right behind her.

He had a speech in mind…he had worked on it while he was trying to get there. He was supposed to tell her things but instead his hands instinctively cup her face as his lips crash to hers, hungry and needing her. Words be damned…Her hands circle his waist, pulling him closer and closer, until there isn't any space left between them.

When they finally pull apart for air he rests his forehead against hers and smiles, still not moving away.

"So you don't hate me?"

"I could never hate you, Ror. We both fucked up…let's just not ruin things again."

"We won't…I love you…"

"I love you, too…More then you'll ever know…"

As they stand there, in the middle of the living room, with Paris watching them trying to figure out what just happened, the three simple words change their meaning. They're no longer their great parting line…They're the beginning of forever.


End file.
